It’s May…

And my birthday is just over a week away.  It’s cool, I’ll finally be 20, most people think I’m older than that anyways.  I’m doing a bonfire thing at my place play some volleyball and pool…

I have several jobs right now and I’m doing great with my savings.  I’m working in an attourney’s office as a receptionist, I’m working for several attourney’s on the side doing the paper work and organizing everything.  I’m also working at the coffee shop still, even though i make almost no money there compared to my other jobs but I need to have it incase the other jobs can’t work with my schedule in the Fall.

I am seeing someone, we’re still getting to know each other.  His family is wonderful and I get along great with his brother and sister.  We have been doing lots of fun stuff rather than sitting on our butts.  It’s nice to find someone else who is  active.  He’s a total sweetheart, he’s a hard worker and does lost of voluntere work on top of his 40hr work week.  Our shcdules line up perfect, both work from 8-5:30, weekdays.  It’s nice to have weekends off, but I’m thinking of picking up some extra hours somehow.

I’m over the church I’ve been going to, too much drama.  I love God, but I can find a new church to call home.  Also I may be going back to cosmetology school soon, just a lil ways away, but an easy drive.

well keep your fnigers crossed.

Crying Out to Jesus

I feel like falling to my knees and shouting to the Heavens. “Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus!” I feel so blessed to have a place to call home. I’m so glad God is a forgiving God. I am so thankful for my family, with out them I would not be who I am today.  I am blessed to have a job even if its one I don’t care much for. I am thankful for the music that gets me though my tough times and even the good.

Also, never have I felt so not lonely. I have things to be done, I have my family… I have never felt like my heart was so full of joy. This joy overwhelms me, my knees are weak and my mind is racing. How I want to show the world of God’s greatness and of his mercy and love. I want to humble myself before his thrown, throw myself at his feet and sing his sweet songs. I want the rain to fall over me and be refreshed with the crsip cold air.

Jesus, Jesus!! How I long to worship. I’m crying out to you! Thank you, thank you.

My Jesus,
how can I return you thanks
for the righteousness in giving yourself to me?
You sacrificed you life for me,
as well as my brothers and sisters.
How great,
how great and awesome.
You are all knowing,
all powerful,
all mighty.
Thank you, Thank you.
All I know to do is love you in return,
but Jesus as I come to you I know that is not enough.
Tell me what else,
What else?
Jesus, Jesus.
I long to love you all my life,
with every once of life you have given me.
Jesus, You alone are plenty for me.
(Felicia W.)

Sometimes there just aren’t words to discribe what i want to say but this is how I feel and what I long for.

“God, my Father, may I love You in all things and above all things. May I reach the joy which You have prepared for me in Heaven. Nothing is good that is against Your Will, and all that is good comes from Your Hand. Place in my heart a desire to please You and fill my mind with thoughts of Your Love, so that I may grow in Your Wisdom and enjoy Your Peace.” (Catholic Prayer, to love God above all things)

Wishing I were 5

Sometimes I look back to what it was like when i was 5. I had no worries, I didn’t know my family was broke, I didn’t undertsand what death was, I believed in God so strong and was so young not to understand anything more than he loved me. I didn’t feel the pressures of the world to be thin, to look like a girl in a magazine, to do drugs to drink to have sex, the pressures were not in my life.

As I have grown and come to and from God never very far but from him at all is too far. I have been tested, and Satan tries to turn my eyes from the Glorious One. I am nowhere near perfect. I am ashamed of mistakes I have made, but I know I can run into God’s arms like I did my Daddy’s as a little girl. In God’s eyes I am always going to be a little girl, his little girl. I will never know all like he does but he can teach me and use my mistakes for the better.

I have been struggling finacially and I need another job. He supplied me with a couple days of babysitting just intime to make last months car payment. And now he has given me more hours at work. He provides, he really does.

I have many goals that i would like to achieve this year, and I would like you all to help keep me accountable so that I may reach them. I would like to have a full-time job and perhaps a second part-tome job. I want to grow in Christ, last year was deffinately a rough year for me, i had grabbed on to God with all that I had, but I did make mistakes. I was hanging out with the wrong people. I was in a church group but getting involved turned out to be what I didn’t need. However spending more time with my grandparents was one of my goals last year and still is this year. I go there before work all the time and I play cards with them during the week and I really need that quality time. They are amazing Christian people and I look up to them a lot. I also look up to my parents and see what all they have been thorugh over the years, and nobody is perfect. Seeing that they have made mistakes has made it easier for me to come to them when I want to confront my faults and to work on them. Sometimes I feel very ashamed but I see my parents like God in one light, they love me no matter what and they will not judge me. I have been in bad situations and have had called for my parents to come pick me up or different things like that. They have even installed a security system in my house for me because of past relationships with friends, with family, with men… I don’t really talk about what has gone on much but it is something that is on my heart. I been through a lot and I don’t mind sharing iff it will help someone out. Don’t juudge me too quick. I’ve never been a party animal, I never done drugs or anything off the wall like that, but I have dishonored God. I have drank once or twice. I have used God’s name in vein. I really am sad for that but He still loves me. And I just want to tell you, all of my friends and family memebers whoa re all like me and make mistakes whatever they might be, you are loved, you are forgiven and you are amazing people. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.

I will add on to this later… but its just some stuff to start thinking about. Last year I helped several of my good friends thorugh some tough times and I am here for anyone who needs me now or in the future. I love you all and you imperfections are not to be judged by me but by the Holy Maker.

I wish I were 5, to not feel anything more than happy or sad or love.  To know no bounds and to still believe anything is possible.

T vs. GC

Who do you think would win in a fight?  A taco or a grilled cheese?

Grilled Cheese…

unless its prision rules…

then I’d have to say….

TACO!

haha I just watched Hot Rod, its a funny movie.

Babysitting

So its only been 2 hours that I’ve been watching David but its definately something semi new to me. I have never watched an infant for a long period of time. Oh gosh. He is a sweetheart and he only cries when he is trying to sleep. But he is mostly smiles… 6 and a half hours today just him and I. He is so precious it definately increses my desire to have kids someday. But not for a long time. Its kinda cute though cause he likes me to sing to him. My little superman. Sad to see him leave in a month. Anyways…

This past week was great.  Then made a few bucks and now hanging with lil D.

Hope ya’ll are starting the new year off right. God bless.

Giddy!

Yesssssssss!!!!!

So anyways….as I have said before this week has been a hard week…really it has been a hard year. We lost my great grandma only a couple days ago, but now she is home with the King. Also we’re planning my aunts memorial as well. My cousin is having a baby shower next weekend too. I need a new job…It’s driving me nuts tying to find a new one.

My best friend is going to be moving across the country in about 2 months…thank goodness it wasn’t this month like she had orgionally planned. Okay so I have to tell you about this girl. Kristen, her and I were the worst enemies in high school, total opposites, and yet we had one thing in common…God. She use to pick me apart…and you know how we became friends? after high school she made a point in finding me so that she could apologize for everything she ever said or did to me. And now with out her in my life…I don’t know where I’d be, she makes me laugh and she shares the joy of her son with me. Her little boy has blessed my life in so many ways, I can’t even explain what kind of changes I’ve been through in the past months that Kristen and I have become super close. i can’t think of a great gift to give her that really shows how much I care…I show up at her work with starbucks…(i have her order memorized), I have my parents babysit…so she can go out to dinner with me and feel a little freed up….I don’t know what i can do to show her I love her. You may think I’m crazy but I’m just so greatful for the new blessings in my life as well as the long time blessings.

Also…… I’m just really happy and finally my stresses are fading woooooohooooooo!!!!!

So…

Yesterday was just a bad day. But today was better. I went and met my best friend for coffee, played with her son and went for a wak by the beach. Then me and my mom went and grabbed a salad for lunch before going to visit my great grandma at the hospitol. It was so sad, I’ve never seen her look so ill, and never have I ever wanted to see the open end of her hospitol gown, oh gosh.

I am looking for a new job, but I have this idea of going back to my old one for 6 weeks just so I can make some extra cash and they need the help but not until febuary. In the mean time I would still like to find another job. I need at LEAST 35 hrs. a week. I am so bored all the time… and next semester I plan on taking time off school. yayness!

Well…. Also I don’t know but I feel very happy tonight even after having a hard week and a bad afternoon.

Christmas is almost here. Time flies when you’re busy living.

Life in the moment and recent events.

Lets see…. How my life is going as of right now. I like list so here it goes:

-My uncle ended up in the hospitol and almost died.

-I am helping to flan my aunts memorial.

-I have 2 final projects, kinda stressful.

-I am looking for a new job.

-I wasn’t going to be able to pay my car payment but i got a check in the mail and it was the fatest blessing ever.

-I have dreamed many more dreams.

-I have started going to a new church, Vintage Faith is great!

- hurt my foot pretty gosh darn bad….its totally swollen and hurts to walk.

-I offically hate food.

- Hate school.

So much more…. But I’ll write later.

Disney Channel to Media.

So tonight I heard something interesting. “Being a young woman is harder than carrying a porkypine purse through a ballon shop.” It is so true, kinda like the idea of walking on egg shells. This quote was on some show on the Disney Channel. I love that the new shows they have for kida are actually targeting the issues in today’s society. When I was little, I don’t remember seeing shows about kids with eating disorders, drug issues, STDS, high school drop outs, young people with jobs, or seperated families. It’s just amazing how things change so fast, but its great to now be able to watch TV and relate on some level. now with the media, that is still a big issue. I means ure most of America has become obese, but look at the media…they are the ones who started the process, the advertise candy and processed foods. Another thing is that everything is so expensive, we try to save money by choosing not so healthy food choices and in the long run we spend the money one buy new clothes to fit the food that stuck to our hips and tummies. Or we become so unhealthy and unaware of our bodies needs that eventually we suffer health issues related to being overweight causing us to spend more money on medical issues and the price of insurace sky rockets. The media has become greedy, and its stealing away the happiness of America for what? More money? We need to stand up to the media… we are so self-absorbed as americans that we forget those who are in greater need.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in eating healthy or exercising or just wanting to be pretty the way society says pretty is(what a waste of time)… I could be spending time with God. Sometimes I spend money on things I really don’t need, that money coould go to charity, sometimes I work a lot to buy the things I don’t truely need….but that time, its God’s, not mine… I should use it for the better, to make someone smile, to help feed a foreign country, to give a stanger hope.

My heart is so set on God its hard to see this world come crashing down.

Any comments? Don’t be shy.

My First Blog! How fun!

Well lets see, where do I start? Today I got a lot done around the house and it feels so great. Now I am super excited because my parents are back in town and should be here in about 10 minutes. I love them so much, they amazing people. Anyways, I’ve had a cold all week, but I’m finally starting to fell better, because I got some good sleep last night. Okay so since this is my first blog, it’s really kinda just what I like to call rambling so I will go for now, but I am excited to start my public writtings. Usually I just write on paper or to a friend, but now people can choose to listen to me vent about both the good and the bad in life. You’ll notice I talk about God a lot, know this: it is all sincere, nothing fake. Lets lets be real and share stories.

Goodnight and God bless.